Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
