Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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