kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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