Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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