Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
