theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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