Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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