it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
