so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize