when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
