Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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