im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
