I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
