I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
