She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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