You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
