She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
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i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.