"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk