I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
