you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
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I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's