I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
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Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
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His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?