I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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