I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
