dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
