I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
