Plan B is the new Plan A
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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