Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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