He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
