That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
