I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
