About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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