I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
