Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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