I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize