This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
