My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
