you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
