Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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