I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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