Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
