So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
