it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
