Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
