Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
