Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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