You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
