don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
