WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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