dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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