I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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