Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
