East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
