im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I met the friendliest cop last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
