I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
