what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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