i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
