He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
