If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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