haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
