...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
