so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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