i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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