She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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