I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
