i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
