I want to have your abortion
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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