i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
